Global Warming, caused by fatties!
Ok, so here's the theory. I'm not a Dr. I'm not a scientist. I don't even play one on tv, but I think that I have a theory that's about as plausible as some that I've heard on Global Warming. The root cause is fatties. How, you're probably wondering, are the fluffies among us causing such global problems? Well, allow me to elaborate! Hold on, it's going to be a wild ride and try to keep up.
By sheer definition, fatties eat a lot. that's how they got that way of course. One of the favorites of fatties everywhere is ice cream. Ice cream, of course, uses milk as one of it's main ingredients. Milk, at least in many parts of the world, comes from cows. Cows need to eat to make milk, otherwise they die and milk production falls off rather abruptly. So, assuming that cows are eating, they're generally eating feedstock which is grown on farms. In order to grow enough and to help prevent disease and other crop problems, farmers will use fertilizers and other chemicals. These chemicals will sometimes run off into streams, lakes, rivers etc. Fertilizers have been known to cause massive algae blooms which can kill fish. These fish, are covered in shiny scales and when they die will sometimes float to the surface. Once on the surface, they will begin to reflect light onto whatever happens to be above them. These dead floaters will tend to cluster around bridges where they will reflect light onto the otherwise cool underside of a bridge, causing it to get hotter than it otherwise would. Because the bridge is now super-heated, the vehicles crossing will have their tires heated abnormally high. This high heat will cause the tire to weaken and wear out faster than normal, thereby necessitating that more tires are created. The more tires that are needed the more people that are involved in the tire-creation process. All of those people need to drive to work and we all know that driving emits all kinds of things into the atmosphere that cause problems, such as global warming.
So, there you have it. Definitive proof that fatties are a leading cause of global warming!
By sheer definition, fatties eat a lot. that's how they got that way of course. One of the favorites of fatties everywhere is ice cream. Ice cream, of course, uses milk as one of it's main ingredients. Milk, at least in many parts of the world, comes from cows. Cows need to eat to make milk, otherwise they die and milk production falls off rather abruptly. So, assuming that cows are eating, they're generally eating feedstock which is grown on farms. In order to grow enough and to help prevent disease and other crop problems, farmers will use fertilizers and other chemicals. These chemicals will sometimes run off into streams, lakes, rivers etc. Fertilizers have been known to cause massive algae blooms which can kill fish. These fish, are covered in shiny scales and when they die will sometimes float to the surface. Once on the surface, they will begin to reflect light onto whatever happens to be above them. These dead floaters will tend to cluster around bridges where they will reflect light onto the otherwise cool underside of a bridge, causing it to get hotter than it otherwise would. Because the bridge is now super-heated, the vehicles crossing will have their tires heated abnormally high. This high heat will cause the tire to weaken and wear out faster than normal, thereby necessitating that more tires are created. The more tires that are needed the more people that are involved in the tire-creation process. All of those people need to drive to work and we all know that driving emits all kinds of things into the atmosphere that cause problems, such as global warming.
So, there you have it. Definitive proof that fatties are a leading cause of global warming!
Labels: global warming, office, prank
posted by clowridr at
8:10 AM
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